Primary thinking

There is no more exciting event in Goosebury than the presidential primaries. It’s not that the nation is watching us to see how we vote, In fact, ours is not an official primary election.
You see, we have been staging a presidential primary since the days of Teddy Roosevelt. And every election year we have discovered that our results almost always mirror the final outcome. You would think that pollsters and pundits would be watching us closely in order to predict the winners of the two major parties. They don’t.
Apparently, Goosebury doesn’t have the same bulgasity as say, Peoria, New Hampshire, or South Carolina. But, we don’t mind being ignored. If the word got around and people started taking us seriously (when it comes to voting), we couldn’t handle the press and onslought of visitors.
The Goosebury Hotel, and Maude’s Motel and Carwash are always booked up during primary week. We would have to set up a tent city for the reporters and camera crews and that would be a public relations nightmare.
No, we keep to ourselves, do our own thing and quietly predict who the primary winners will be. We know, and we don’t care if the world ignores us. It gives us a sort of a sense of superiority.
If you really care, our primary elections are on January 15 and we’ll let you know who wins. Just keep it to yourself.

Dan Foxworth, Editor
The Goosebury Observer
Contact: Jeff@Goosebury.com

Jed Peabody Continues to Amaze!

GOOSEBURY--Jed Peabody, who amazed our readers last year by attempting to swallow a chipmunk (see Observer 7/25/06), continued to bring dubious honors upon himself by attempting to iron a shirt while on his body. According to Jed, it "seemed stupid to waste time using an ironing board to iron my shirt and then have to put it on after that." Jed, amazing as it seems, then tried to iron the shirt while on his body. According to a nurse at the emergency room, it appears that Mr. Peabody was successful in partially ironing the right front of the shirt before it occurred to him that he was an idiot. Mr. Peabody was released from Goosebury General Hospital and taken home by his mother, Agnus Peabody. Mrs. Peabody stated that "my son has a history of innovation and this particular innovation will hurt all of us for some time." When asked for a comment, Mr. Peabody muttered something to the effect that "the guys will laugh at me now that I only have one nipple."

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