Business Briefs

From the pages of The Goosebury Observer
Check out the toilet paper

before that interview!

An effective job interview is, or should always be, proceeded by a candidate finding out as much about the prospective employer as possible.

Search the internet, read trade magazines, ask, ask, ask.

But don’t forget to check the toilet paper in the company washrooms.

It is a proven fact that companies that are trying to cut costs (which could be an indication that they are in financial difficulty) go immediately to 1-ply toilet paper.

Go to your interview with enough lead time to get into the bathroom. No receptionist will deny you the use of their facilities when asked. Go immediately to a stall, pull out a few squares and give the TP the finger test. Now, 1-ply paper is obvious and you can make that determination with a visual examination. But there are different grades of 1-ply TP. See how easy it is push your finger through a square. How many times would you have to fold it over to be able to use it the way is was intended to be used. Then apply the following scale:

2-PLY PLUSH paper that would feel good on any part of your body. This is a company you want to work for. Chances are you’ll discover a lot more perks during the interview process.
2-PLY regular. Probably a good company to work for. May not as many perks, salary may be slightly lower, but all-in-all a good risk.
1-PLY normal. This represents a company having difficulty but not really on the ropes. Cost-cutting measures have been implemented and your salary may be hard to negotiate upward.
1-PLY that doesn’t pass the finger test. Get out now while you can. Business Briefs is published weekly in The Goosebury Observer.

If you would like to contribute an article please send submissions to Editor@goosebury.com

Primary Re-thinking

For the first time in recorded Goosebury history, we feel unable to predict a winner. Our townsfolk are so divided on the candidates that we have been thrown in a tizzy. Oh, we did have a winner. But it wasn't Romney, McCain, Hillary, or Obama. They all came in pretty close together.

The actual winner was Jake Offenready, the local barber. Now, I know that Jake wasn't on any of the state's ballots, but the townsfolk really like Jake and they often rely on his wisdom. So they wrote his name in. Yes, he is a college graduate (Goosebury State class of '75) but his down to earth understanding of people, politics, and his wife makes him a most admired man.

Jake will probably not get elected president, but that doesn't matter to most folks. They are tired of the field of candidates thrust upon us by the party bosses and steered down the election road by a media with an agenda. They just want a person they can trust and even if he isn't elected President. At least they know that they voted for the best man.

So, I guess that whoever is elected, we will support him or her, but dang it, why can't a guy like Jake ever get a shot!